Sunday, October 23, 2005
The Birds, The Bees, and The Spider
Warning - Parental supervision is advised prior to reading this article. No joke.
A few days ago while I was reading through my customary morning reading of The Straits Times, an article shook me out of my zombie-like sleepless trance. Several men had been charged and punished for having sex with a 14-year old girl. It's not the sex part that got my attention - please, I'm not a no-life pervert, ok? Rather, it was the fact that the girl was not coerced or anything... rather, she initiated it all the way from the start to the end. She was having problems with money and asked her boyfriend to search men to have sex with her for money ($30, according to the article).
What really, really, irked me though, was the manner in which the guys got found out. It was the girl herself who had reported them. The girl was the one who asked for sex, demanded money out of it, and had the ultimate cheek to report them to the police. The article didn't say why she did what she did... she had either woken up her freaking ideas, had a falling-out with her boyfriend and did it out of spite... I don't know. What I do know is that the way I see it, the girl is just as guilty as the guys were. I'm pretty sure she knows that what she was doing was wrong - don't tell me that she's too naive to realise that sex at 14 is illegal. She ought to have been jailed along with all those guys. Or maybe, since she's underaged, she should have been sent to reform school or something.
When I posted the above paragraph's points in an online forum, I got flamed by a female forummite, accusing me and other similar-minded forummites of double standards. Now, I'm not siding with what those guys did. They fully deserved the jail and possible caning sentences they received. Paying for sex is already a highly immoral act in itself. When they knew that the girl was underaged, the very least they could have done was to leave the scene. But no, they chose to stay. One of the guys gave a really pathetic defence that he had 'little time to react'. Please... I'm not stupid enough to buy that defence, and I imagine that neither is the judge. Don't tell me that there's not enough time to open the door and walk away.
In short, I'm not making excuses for those guys. Rather, I'm chafing at the notion that the girl got away scot-free for her crimes. I'm not a lawyer, but I do know when the law is being obviously broken. Let's use an analogy: an old man decides to rob a bank but is too old to do it himself. He thus hires four young men to rob the bank for him. The old man didn't actually commit the act of robbery, but did he commit a crime? Of course he did - he was the mastermind. That's what the girl was in this sad state of affairs.
It is at times such as this when I look upon the general state of our youth and shake my head sadly. Does anybody seem to value virginity anymore? I don't know about you guys, but virginity is a gift to be shared only with your soulmate on your wedding night. Sure, call me idealistic, call me old-fashioned, but there is a lot of wisdom behind what our elders have been telling us about the birds and the bees. I really don't know what the girl was thinking - is her personal pride and dignity worth only S$30? You could raise the price to US$30 million, and it still won't be enough.
A few days ago while I was reading through my customary morning reading of The Straits Times, an article shook me out of my zombie-like sleepless trance. Several men had been charged and punished for having sex with a 14-year old girl. It's not the sex part that got my attention - please, I'm not a no-life pervert, ok? Rather, it was the fact that the girl was not coerced or anything... rather, she initiated it all the way from the start to the end. She was having problems with money and asked her boyfriend to search men to have sex with her for money ($30, according to the article).
What really, really, irked me though, was the manner in which the guys got found out. It was the girl herself who had reported them. The girl was the one who asked for sex, demanded money out of it, and had the ultimate cheek to report them to the police. The article didn't say why she did what she did... she had either woken up her freaking ideas, had a falling-out with her boyfriend and did it out of spite... I don't know. What I do know is that the way I see it, the girl is just as guilty as the guys were. I'm pretty sure she knows that what she was doing was wrong - don't tell me that she's too naive to realise that sex at 14 is illegal. She ought to have been jailed along with all those guys. Or maybe, since she's underaged, she should have been sent to reform school or something.
When I posted the above paragraph's points in an online forum, I got flamed by a female forummite, accusing me and other similar-minded forummites of double standards. Now, I'm not siding with what those guys did. They fully deserved the jail and possible caning sentences they received. Paying for sex is already a highly immoral act in itself. When they knew that the girl was underaged, the very least they could have done was to leave the scene. But no, they chose to stay. One of the guys gave a really pathetic defence that he had 'little time to react'. Please... I'm not stupid enough to buy that defence, and I imagine that neither is the judge. Don't tell me that there's not enough time to open the door and walk away.
In short, I'm not making excuses for those guys. Rather, I'm chafing at the notion that the girl got away scot-free for her crimes. I'm not a lawyer, but I do know when the law is being obviously broken. Let's use an analogy: an old man decides to rob a bank but is too old to do it himself. He thus hires four young men to rob the bank for him. The old man didn't actually commit the act of robbery, but did he commit a crime? Of course he did - he was the mastermind. That's what the girl was in this sad state of affairs.
It is at times such as this when I look upon the general state of our youth and shake my head sadly. Does anybody seem to value virginity anymore? I don't know about you guys, but virginity is a gift to be shared only with your soulmate on your wedding night. Sure, call me idealistic, call me old-fashioned, but there is a lot of wisdom behind what our elders have been telling us about the birds and the bees. I really don't know what the girl was thinking - is her personal pride and dignity worth only S$30? You could raise the price to US$30 million, and it still won't be enough.
My critics would contend that no one is safe from temptation, and you can't really blame pimply-faced teenagers with raging hormones to give in to those temptations. Yeah, sure, I agree that no one is safe from temptation. I admit to having temptations as well. Come on, touch your hearts, people... who doesn't? It is not about whether or not you have those temptations, but rather, what you do with those temptations. You could give in to them and let your temptations control you, or you could fight to overcome those temptations which may lead you to sin. I choose to be the master of my emotions.
The cold hard facts ought to be able to shake some temptation-filled people back to reality. Here are some of them:
1. Risk of pregnancy
What would happen should the girl get pregnant? No way do I want to get into such a situation. I'm 22 years old, and I'm in the second year of my undergraduate life - should I quit school just to marry the girl? Throw away my future (as well as that of the girl) for a moment of folly? I know of a couple of single mothers whose boyfriends left them after the baby was born. They ended up facing untold hardship - being shunned by their families and friends, giving up their studies, juggling the burdens of motherhood at a young age... the list goes on.
Abortion? Over my dead body, I say. To me, abortion is just one step below infanticide. I would have completely equated it to infanticide if it wasn't for the fact that abortion may be necessary in some cases (the mother's life is in danger, etc...). No way on earth am I going to have the blood of my children on my hands.
2. STDs, VDs, and AIDS
The risk of STDs is very real. You may be young and brash and have the mentality that 'it can never happen to me', but trust me, it can happen to anybody. One of my Army friends (not saying who... Medic-Casualty privilege) came to me in the middle of a jungle mission, complaining of 'difficulties in urinating'. I at first initially thought it was just a simple Urinary Tract Infection, but part of me thought otherwise. He seemed really hesistant about approching me for help in the first place. As I hammered the details out of him, it was obvious as to what ailed him - gonorrhoea. It sounds bad, and it IS bad. I could spend an entire article talking about this, but suffice to say, it isn't pretty to look at. I had to order an immediate medical evacuation. My Sergeant Major was pretty riled over my ordering an evacuation in the middle of a mission, but he didn't have much of a choice.
Needless to say, the guy swore off his promiscuous behaviour forever. In his words, "Gonorrhoea now, AIDS next time. Never again, man." He was lucky in the sense that he got an STD bad enough to scare him but not to kill him. Some others aren't so lucky.
I could go on, but I don't have a lot of time now that my exams are coming soon, and I'm not being paid to do all these social commentaries. I know it seems rather out of place that I'm talking about sex in The Web of Fudge, but teenage sexual promiscuity isn't something that should be swept under the carpet. We Asians are conservative and find ourselves uncomfortable about the birds and the bees, but it seems that more and more of our youth learn about it the hard way. This trend is highly alarming, and we can't pretend that it's not happening.
The cold hard facts ought to be able to shake some temptation-filled people back to reality. Here are some of them:
1. Risk of pregnancy
What would happen should the girl get pregnant? No way do I want to get into such a situation. I'm 22 years old, and I'm in the second year of my undergraduate life - should I quit school just to marry the girl? Throw away my future (as well as that of the girl) for a moment of folly? I know of a couple of single mothers whose boyfriends left them after the baby was born. They ended up facing untold hardship - being shunned by their families and friends, giving up their studies, juggling the burdens of motherhood at a young age... the list goes on.
Abortion? Over my dead body, I say. To me, abortion is just one step below infanticide. I would have completely equated it to infanticide if it wasn't for the fact that abortion may be necessary in some cases (the mother's life is in danger, etc...). No way on earth am I going to have the blood of my children on my hands.
2. STDs, VDs, and AIDS
The risk of STDs is very real. You may be young and brash and have the mentality that 'it can never happen to me', but trust me, it can happen to anybody. One of my Army friends (not saying who... Medic-Casualty privilege) came to me in the middle of a jungle mission, complaining of 'difficulties in urinating'. I at first initially thought it was just a simple Urinary Tract Infection, but part of me thought otherwise. He seemed really hesistant about approching me for help in the first place. As I hammered the details out of him, it was obvious as to what ailed him - gonorrhoea. It sounds bad, and it IS bad. I could spend an entire article talking about this, but suffice to say, it isn't pretty to look at. I had to order an immediate medical evacuation. My Sergeant Major was pretty riled over my ordering an evacuation in the middle of a mission, but he didn't have much of a choice.
Needless to say, the guy swore off his promiscuous behaviour forever. In his words, "Gonorrhoea now, AIDS next time. Never again, man." He was lucky in the sense that he got an STD bad enough to scare him but not to kill him. Some others aren't so lucky.
I could go on, but I don't have a lot of time now that my exams are coming soon, and I'm not being paid to do all these social commentaries. I know it seems rather out of place that I'm talking about sex in The Web of Fudge, but teenage sexual promiscuity isn't something that should be swept under the carpet. We Asians are conservative and find ourselves uncomfortable about the birds and the bees, but it seems that more and more of our youth learn about it the hard way. This trend is highly alarming, and we can't pretend that it's not happening.
Posted by Spider-Fudge at 02:04 am
Comments (3) Permalink
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Operation Intimidation Game
In the blink of an eye, 2 1/2 months have passed since I became a Yr 2 student in the NUS Faculty of Engineering. In just over a month's time, I'm going to have to face the one thing which is universally despised by every student and undergraduate the world over - exams. The first paper is on the 21st of November, which is something like one month and two days from now. Of course, I'm not counting the Visualization quiz on the 7th of next month.
Back when I was in the psuedo-camouflage uniform of Temasek Junior College I would have pressed the tension button over two weeks ago. My policy then was 'slow and steady wins the race', and the strategy did pay off very well in the long run. Unfortunately, though, in NUS, there is no such thing as the long run. The higher-ups apprently subscribe to John Maynard Keynes' saying that 'in the long run, we are all dead.' Everything starts and ends within four months. In other words, a slow and steady pace is going to leave you biting the dust. Everything's fast and furious here. Not exactly the best place for slowpokes such as little ol' me to do well.
Just as I gave my previous examination campaign a formal name (Operation Lightning Storm), I'm going to give this campaign one as well. It shall be known as.... Operation Intimidation Game. No, I'm not going to step on people's toes and scare the hell out of my contemporaries. It just sounds cool, that's all. Yes, I know, dumb explanation... but then again, not all explanations have to be intelligent. Here's some trivia... Batman Begins was orginally named Batman: Intimidation Game. I have no idea as to what caused them to change the title.
The exam schedule isn't final, for they haven't confirmed the exact timings and venues. I do know, however, the dates on which the exams will occur. Here's a general overview:
Back when I was in the psuedo-camouflage uniform of Temasek Junior College I would have pressed the tension button over two weeks ago. My policy then was 'slow and steady wins the race', and the strategy did pay off very well in the long run. Unfortunately, though, in NUS, there is no such thing as the long run. The higher-ups apprently subscribe to John Maynard Keynes' saying that 'in the long run, we are all dead.' Everything starts and ends within four months. In other words, a slow and steady pace is going to leave you biting the dust. Everything's fast and furious here. Not exactly the best place for slowpokes such as little ol' me to do well.
Just as I gave my previous examination campaign a formal name (Operation Lightning Storm), I'm going to give this campaign one as well. It shall be known as.... Operation Intimidation Game. No, I'm not going to step on people's toes and scare the hell out of my contemporaries. It just sounds cool, that's all. Yes, I know, dumb explanation... but then again, not all explanations have to be intelligent. Here's some trivia... Batman Begins was orginally named Batman: Intimidation Game. I have no idea as to what caused them to change the title.
The exam schedule isn't final, for they haven't confirmed the exact timings and venues. I do know, however, the dates on which the exams will occur. Here's a general overview:
First Objective: Engineering Visualization & Modelling ME 2103 D-Day: 071105
Now, this doesn't count as an examination, but it may very well be taken as one. Course quiz or not, this online quiz has a weightage of 50%. In other words, if I mess this up, I'm doomed. And I can't mess this up as I'm depending on it for my grades.
With the recent screw-up of my CAD tutorials, though, I'm no longer confident of getting the grades anymore. I know that the usual CAD tutorials have low weightages (5%, if memory serves), but in this cut-throat environment, every little bit counts.
Still, this module is my most-neglected module of all... even more so than my Changing Landscapes module, which I have already declared S/U. Basically, up till now, the only revision I do for this module is playing around with the Solidworks software. That's going to have to change.
Second Objective: Fluid Mechanics I ME2134 D-Day: 211105
This is the first paper, as far as the formal exams are concerned. I find it highly unfortunate that the very first objective to be tackled is Fluid Mechanics. That has to be the most-reviled module of all among Mechanical Engineers. Except for C Programming, perhaps.
I've been reading through the concepts over and over again, and I still find it extremely difficult to grasp some of them. In a highly repugnant move, I simply took their word for it and moved on to the next topic. At least the second half of the syllabus seems to be easier to grasp. It helps that the second lecturer is highly capable and really does know his stuff.
I've had dreams of becoming an aeronautical engineer, and if this module is of any indication, that dream may remain as what it sounds like - a dream. If Fluid Mechanics is enough to give me pause, then I dread to think what the specialised aeronautical modules are going to be like.
Third Objective: Mechanics of Materials I ME 2113 D-Day: 231105
This is another module which I can't afford to screw up. Like Visualization, I need to depend on this for my grades. MOM (as we all like to call it) is basically nothing much more than a rehash of EG1109: Statics and Mechanics of Materials. I estimate that I had already learnt 75% of what they teach in MOM back when I was a freshman.
Sure, I did screw up the Statics paper some (I got a B), but 75% familiarity is definitely going to be a great asset. The only caveat is that it's going to be a closed-book examination (as opposed to Statics), but if what I've heard is true, helpsheets are going to be allowed into the examination hall. That's all I need to hear - it's just a matter of including the most important equations and other useful information, such as the moment of inertia for various bodies.
I just hope I don't screw this up, though.
Fourth Objective: Changing Landscapes of Singapore GEK 2001 D-Day: 241105
At first I was pretty much torn over whether or not to S/U this module. Declaring S/U for this module would have made life much easier for me by allowing me to pretty much put in the minimum effort to pass. At the same time, though, I couldn't simply put in the minimum effort, because the group project demands that I put in the effort. I have to be fair to my group members who didn't declare S/U. It doesn't help that I'm the group leader, either. Arrgh....
Anyway, in the end I decided that it was in my best interests to declare S/U. It would then at least be one less thorn in my side and one less headache for me to contend with. And to be frank, even though I did put in my best, I don't like where the group's position paper is heading to. It's not exactly a bad paper, but I've seen better. Heck, I dare to say that my group's position paper doesn't quite match up with the paper on cosmetic surgery which Jue Bin, Hua and I did last semester. Bear in mind that we did it with Jue Bin in hospital for dengue half the time.
Fifth Objective: Sensors and Actuators ME 2143 D-Day:261105
Under the correct circumstances, this module would have been pretty interesting. Unfortunately, the lecturers chose to teach the topics with hardly any sequential flow. We did everything from frequency response circuits to semiconductor electronics to three-phase induction motors. There's hardly any connection between all those topics, except for the fact that they all involve electricity. As if I didn't know that.
To make things worse, the lecturers chose to teach everything in a piecemeal fashion. For example, we first had a lecturer teaching us frequency response when suddenly.... we found ourselves doing DC motors. We had then just started on AC power when suddenly... we're back to frequency response. Definitely not the best way to reduce the entropy in a stressed-out undergraduate's mind.
I know that it's not their fault that the two lecturers have erratic schedules which demand that they drop everything for conferences and all... but it's not fair at all to the students either that the teaching is so erratic and unpredictable. What can I say? Just hope for the best.
Final Objective: Engineering Thermodynamics ME 2121 D-Day: 291105
Once again, thermodynamics is a pretty interesting module under the right circumstances. Unfortunately, much could be done to improve the quality of teaching. I find that most of the lectures and notes are really, really vague and don't do much to enlighten us on what's going on. This is the one module where a textbook is essential, and it shows. More often than not, we are often asked to refer to the textbook for the details bhind the concept. Uh... if that's the case, then why on earth should we go for lectures?
To be brutally frank, where this module is concerned, I learn more from the textbook than from the lectures. In other words, I've been prety much teaching myself this module. It's easier to understand than Fluid Mechanics, but it's not exactly a walk in the park either.
Now, to sum it all up, I've got just over a month to prepare everything (slightly underthree weeks in the case of Visualization). I still can't push the tension buttons fully, though. It's not because I don't have the will to do so. Rather, I don't have the time to do so. I'm still trying to keep up with the deluge of tutorials, lab reports, and position papers I have on my plate. Not to mention I'm still struggling to keep up with what they teach in the lectures.
I'm facing much worse odds than last semester, and things don't look good at all. I've come up against and overcome worse, but I won't count on it happening again this time round. Statistically, no one wins forever. What that matters is how you face it when things don't seem to go your way. You can cower and hide in fear and surely fail, or you can face it head-on with at least some semblance of a chance at success.
I choose the latter.
Now, this doesn't count as an examination, but it may very well be taken as one. Course quiz or not, this online quiz has a weightage of 50%. In other words, if I mess this up, I'm doomed. And I can't mess this up as I'm depending on it for my grades.
With the recent screw-up of my CAD tutorials, though, I'm no longer confident of getting the grades anymore. I know that the usual CAD tutorials have low weightages (5%, if memory serves), but in this cut-throat environment, every little bit counts.
Still, this module is my most-neglected module of all... even more so than my Changing Landscapes module, which I have already declared S/U. Basically, up till now, the only revision I do for this module is playing around with the Solidworks software. That's going to have to change.
Second Objective: Fluid Mechanics I ME2134 D-Day: 211105
This is the first paper, as far as the formal exams are concerned. I find it highly unfortunate that the very first objective to be tackled is Fluid Mechanics. That has to be the most-reviled module of all among Mechanical Engineers. Except for C Programming, perhaps.
I've been reading through the concepts over and over again, and I still find it extremely difficult to grasp some of them. In a highly repugnant move, I simply took their word for it and moved on to the next topic. At least the second half of the syllabus seems to be easier to grasp. It helps that the second lecturer is highly capable and really does know his stuff.
I've had dreams of becoming an aeronautical engineer, and if this module is of any indication, that dream may remain as what it sounds like - a dream. If Fluid Mechanics is enough to give me pause, then I dread to think what the specialised aeronautical modules are going to be like.
Third Objective: Mechanics of Materials I ME 2113 D-Day: 231105
This is another module which I can't afford to screw up. Like Visualization, I need to depend on this for my grades. MOM (as we all like to call it) is basically nothing much more than a rehash of EG1109: Statics and Mechanics of Materials. I estimate that I had already learnt 75% of what they teach in MOM back when I was a freshman.
Sure, I did screw up the Statics paper some (I got a B), but 75% familiarity is definitely going to be a great asset. The only caveat is that it's going to be a closed-book examination (as opposed to Statics), but if what I've heard is true, helpsheets are going to be allowed into the examination hall. That's all I need to hear - it's just a matter of including the most important equations and other useful information, such as the moment of inertia for various bodies.
I just hope I don't screw this up, though.
Fourth Objective: Changing Landscapes of Singapore GEK 2001 D-Day: 241105
At first I was pretty much torn over whether or not to S/U this module. Declaring S/U for this module would have made life much easier for me by allowing me to pretty much put in the minimum effort to pass. At the same time, though, I couldn't simply put in the minimum effort, because the group project demands that I put in the effort. I have to be fair to my group members who didn't declare S/U. It doesn't help that I'm the group leader, either. Arrgh....
Anyway, in the end I decided that it was in my best interests to declare S/U. It would then at least be one less thorn in my side and one less headache for me to contend with. And to be frank, even though I did put in my best, I don't like where the group's position paper is heading to. It's not exactly a bad paper, but I've seen better. Heck, I dare to say that my group's position paper doesn't quite match up with the paper on cosmetic surgery which Jue Bin, Hua and I did last semester. Bear in mind that we did it with Jue Bin in hospital for dengue half the time.
Fifth Objective: Sensors and Actuators ME 2143 D-Day:261105
Under the correct circumstances, this module would have been pretty interesting. Unfortunately, the lecturers chose to teach the topics with hardly any sequential flow. We did everything from frequency response circuits to semiconductor electronics to three-phase induction motors. There's hardly any connection between all those topics, except for the fact that they all involve electricity. As if I didn't know that.
To make things worse, the lecturers chose to teach everything in a piecemeal fashion. For example, we first had a lecturer teaching us frequency response when suddenly.... we found ourselves doing DC motors. We had then just started on AC power when suddenly... we're back to frequency response. Definitely not the best way to reduce the entropy in a stressed-out undergraduate's mind.
I know that it's not their fault that the two lecturers have erratic schedules which demand that they drop everything for conferences and all... but it's not fair at all to the students either that the teaching is so erratic and unpredictable. What can I say? Just hope for the best.
Final Objective: Engineering Thermodynamics ME 2121 D-Day: 291105
Once again, thermodynamics is a pretty interesting module under the right circumstances. Unfortunately, much could be done to improve the quality of teaching. I find that most of the lectures and notes are really, really vague and don't do much to enlighten us on what's going on. This is the one module where a textbook is essential, and it shows. More often than not, we are often asked to refer to the textbook for the details bhind the concept. Uh... if that's the case, then why on earth should we go for lectures?
To be brutally frank, where this module is concerned, I learn more from the textbook than from the lectures. In other words, I've been prety much teaching myself this module. It's easier to understand than Fluid Mechanics, but it's not exactly a walk in the park either.
Now, to sum it all up, I've got just over a month to prepare everything (slightly underthree weeks in the case of Visualization). I still can't push the tension buttons fully, though. It's not because I don't have the will to do so. Rather, I don't have the time to do so. I'm still trying to keep up with the deluge of tutorials, lab reports, and position papers I have on my plate. Not to mention I'm still struggling to keep up with what they teach in the lectures.
I'm facing much worse odds than last semester, and things don't look good at all. I've come up against and overcome worse, but I won't count on it happening again this time round. Statistically, no one wins forever. What that matters is how you face it when things don't seem to go your way. You can cower and hide in fear and surely fail, or you can face it head-on with at least some semblance of a chance at success.
I choose the latter.
Posted by Spider-Fudge at 02:16 am
Comments (1) Permalink
Sunday, October 16, 2005
It Happens. Seriously, It Does.
The previous week was an extremely effective demonstration into how effective Murphy's Law can really be. When something bad can happen, it will happen. When several bad things can happen, they will all happen at the same time. To put it all simply, sh*t happens, it rolls downhill, and gathers momentum in the process. That was what that pretty much happened to me.
Sorry for the profanity, ladies... I'm feeling rather upset at the moment.
First of all, my laptop's DVD-ROM drive simply refused to read any more disks. No matter what disks I fed it, be it DVD, VCD, Audio CD, CD-ROM, CD-R, and all matter of acronyms you can think of pertaining to optical disks, my drive simply refused to read any of them. I paid $8 for a cleaning disk, but it refused to read that as well. Ok, fine.
Sorry for the profanity, ladies... I'm feeling rather upset at the moment.
First of all, my laptop's DVD-ROM drive simply refused to read any more disks. No matter what disks I fed it, be it DVD, VCD, Audio CD, CD-ROM, CD-R, and all matter of acronyms you can think of pertaining to optical disks, my drive simply refused to read any of them. I paid $8 for a cleaning disk, but it refused to read that as well. Ok, fine.
So I did what any computer idiot like myself would do in such a situation: take it down to the repair center. I lugged it down to the manufacturer's repair center at Faculty of Science and described the problem to them. The repairman tested it with one of his own CDs, and it refused to work. He tried another CD... and lo and behold, it was working fine again.
He then explained to me that the SOP ('standard operating procedure' - Army speak) for such cases was to test the drive with several CDs. As long as one of them could be read, he couldn't change my drive for free, even though I was still on a warranty. I wasn't really in a mood to argue, so I just hightailed it out of there.
Now the dumb drive refuses to work again. This simply won't do at all. I can't have a drive which works 1% of the time and refuses to obey my commands the other 99% of the time. Looks like I'm going to have to lug my laptop down to Science Faculty again this Monday. And this time, it's no more Mr Nice Fudge. If he refuses to repair my laptop for free, I'll summon his manager and give him a piece of my entropy-filled mind. I didn't shell out $2600++ of my own hard-earned money (MY money, not my parents' money) to have a dysfunctional piece of equipment with an attitude problem.
Sure, the DVD-ROM drive isn't the most crucial component in my laptop, and I can still carry out my most important tasks without it. However, I can't just let the drive hanging there in idle mode indefinitely. I need to use my laptop for lab reports and term papers and stuff, but I still have the right to enjoy the occasional DVD or Diablo II, don't I? The last thing I want is to shell out money for a new external drive. It'll cost me over $150 at the very best. I am not going to spend that kind of money on something which isn't my fault. While it won't make me go bankrupt, it's going to blast a major shell crater in my savings.
Another thing... one of the straps of my beloved Gravis backpack broke last Monday. Not only was I subject to have to carry my heavy backpack in an awkward fashion the whole day, this also meant that my only backpack capable of carrying heavy loads is out of commission. I could sew the strap back on, but it'll never be as strong as before. The last thing I want is to have the repaired strap suddenly give way while my fragile (and temperamental) laptop is in it.
I've always held a soft spot for that backpack, which I bought right after my final ATEC mission in Thailand. It cost me 480 baht... that's just under S$20. You can't get that kind of bargain anywhere in Singapore. I could carry heavy and bulky loads easily without causing too much pain to my shoulders. Now that I can't use it, I've been forced to utilise my old Nike duffel bag. I don't have to say how uncomfortable a duffel bag can be. It's perfectly fine with normal loads, but when you add a laptop to the mix, it becomes downright uncomfortable. The weight doesn't bother me... rather, it's the pressure and bulk that gives me problems in lugging it around.
I can use my duffel bag in the short run, but long-term use demands that I get myself a new heavy-duty backpack. I don't ask for super branded packs with attitudes of their own. I just ask for a few performance criteria to be met:
1. It must be able to carry my laptop. This is extremely crucial. Otherwise, it defeats the purpose of buying a backpack for daily use.
2. It must be able to take relatively heavy loads.
3. It must be roomy enough to carry bulky items comfortably.
4. It should be able to fit my body frame well enough to allow me to carry it comfortably.
Not too picky, methinks. The biggest limiting factor has to be cost. I can only spend $60 at most on a new backpack. If I end up having to buy a new external drive as well, I'm looking at a spending of more than $200++. And my glasses are nearing the end of their service life - I need to replace them by the end of the year.
Arrgh.... what's next?
He then explained to me that the SOP ('standard operating procedure' - Army speak) for such cases was to test the drive with several CDs. As long as one of them could be read, he couldn't change my drive for free, even though I was still on a warranty. I wasn't really in a mood to argue, so I just hightailed it out of there.
Now the dumb drive refuses to work again. This simply won't do at all. I can't have a drive which works 1% of the time and refuses to obey my commands the other 99% of the time. Looks like I'm going to have to lug my laptop down to Science Faculty again this Monday. And this time, it's no more Mr Nice Fudge. If he refuses to repair my laptop for free, I'll summon his manager and give him a piece of my entropy-filled mind. I didn't shell out $2600++ of my own hard-earned money (MY money, not my parents' money) to have a dysfunctional piece of equipment with an attitude problem.
Sure, the DVD-ROM drive isn't the most crucial component in my laptop, and I can still carry out my most important tasks without it. However, I can't just let the drive hanging there in idle mode indefinitely. I need to use my laptop for lab reports and term papers and stuff, but I still have the right to enjoy the occasional DVD or Diablo II, don't I? The last thing I want is to shell out money for a new external drive. It'll cost me over $150 at the very best. I am not going to spend that kind of money on something which isn't my fault. While it won't make me go bankrupt, it's going to blast a major shell crater in my savings.
Another thing... one of the straps of my beloved Gravis backpack broke last Monday. Not only was I subject to have to carry my heavy backpack in an awkward fashion the whole day, this also meant that my only backpack capable of carrying heavy loads is out of commission. I could sew the strap back on, but it'll never be as strong as before. The last thing I want is to have the repaired strap suddenly give way while my fragile (and temperamental) laptop is in it.
I've always held a soft spot for that backpack, which I bought right after my final ATEC mission in Thailand. It cost me 480 baht... that's just under S$20. You can't get that kind of bargain anywhere in Singapore. I could carry heavy and bulky loads easily without causing too much pain to my shoulders. Now that I can't use it, I've been forced to utilise my old Nike duffel bag. I don't have to say how uncomfortable a duffel bag can be. It's perfectly fine with normal loads, but when you add a laptop to the mix, it becomes downright uncomfortable. The weight doesn't bother me... rather, it's the pressure and bulk that gives me problems in lugging it around.
I can use my duffel bag in the short run, but long-term use demands that I get myself a new heavy-duty backpack. I don't ask for super branded packs with attitudes of their own. I just ask for a few performance criteria to be met:
1. It must be able to carry my laptop. This is extremely crucial. Otherwise, it defeats the purpose of buying a backpack for daily use.
2. It must be able to take relatively heavy loads.
3. It must be roomy enough to carry bulky items comfortably.
4. It should be able to fit my body frame well enough to allow me to carry it comfortably.
Not too picky, methinks. The biggest limiting factor has to be cost. I can only spend $60 at most on a new backpack. If I end up having to buy a new external drive as well, I'm looking at a spending of more than $200++. And my glasses are nearing the end of their service life - I need to replace them by the end of the year.
Arrgh.... what's next?
Posted by Spider-Fudge at 02:20 am
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Feedback Effect
After two of the arrested bloggers got jailed recently for their xenophobic postings, I felt pretty tempted to add a new entry to the 'Blog Issues' series. However, I take it that you guys are by now tired of all those socio-political commentaries I seem to be making lately such as the current state and future of the Malay race, privacy and spamming issues, libel and xenophobia on the Internet... the list goes on. I'm sure you guys have discovered by now that such postings are the perfect cure for insomnia.
Anyway, I cut and paste several entries onto Microsoft Word to find out for myself the length of my so-called 'average' postings. Lo and behold.... the 'average' entry in The Web of Fudge is anywhere between 600 and 800 words. When I get really emotional or feel the urge to tell long, meaningless social commentaries, it can shoot all the way up to 1200 words. I find it more than a little weird that I can write 600 words on recent happening in my life, 1200 words on social issues, but I struggle to write a 500-word introduction to my group's position paper on nature conservation in the MacRitchie region. I suppose if Einstein were still here, he'd exclaim, 'Ahh.... relativity!'
Of course my analysis isn't perfect. I didn't take every single entry in The Web of Fudge and measured the length of each entry, found the mean, worked out the standard deviation, median, 25th and 75th percentiles... though of course, I could do all those things if the situation calls for it. All I need is some wealthy benefactor out there who's willing to sponsor me to do all that mathematical analysis. I don't ask for a lot. Just a few thousand would do just fine.
Anyway, I cut and paste several entries onto Microsoft Word to find out for myself the length of my so-called 'average' postings. Lo and behold.... the 'average' entry in The Web of Fudge is anywhere between 600 and 800 words. When I get really emotional or feel the urge to tell long, meaningless social commentaries, it can shoot all the way up to 1200 words. I find it more than a little weird that I can write 600 words on recent happening in my life, 1200 words on social issues, but I struggle to write a 500-word introduction to my group's position paper on nature conservation in the MacRitchie region. I suppose if Einstein were still here, he'd exclaim, 'Ahh.... relativity!'
Of course my analysis isn't perfect. I didn't take every single entry in The Web of Fudge and measured the length of each entry, found the mean, worked out the standard deviation, median, 25th and 75th percentiles... though of course, I could do all those things if the situation calls for it. All I need is some wealthy benefactor out there who's willing to sponsor me to do all that mathematical analysis. I don't ask for a lot. Just a few thousand would do just fine.
I've realised that most bloggers are girls. I suppose that we guys are men of few words. I don't really have any hard statistics to prove my point, but I'm sure you guys know that most bloggers are in fact of the female kind. I do know of quite a number of girls who do blog, and only a small number of men who do. Just look at the links on the left side of this page. There are eight blogs belonging to women, and a miserable two belonging to guys.
Gentlemen... wake up your ***** (insert profanity here) ideas!
Gentlemen... wake up your ***** (insert profanity here) ideas!
Also, most bloggers don't write in continuous prose. Usually most of their postings would consist of seemingly random lines which float around their head. Here's an example of what you would usually see in a blog. This is entirely fictional, of course, but I'm sure you'd agree with me that this is pretty typical of an entry (written by a girl, of course):
'I went to Centerpoint today..... Went shopping..... Mary, Jane, and Gwen followed me.... We buy new denim skirt and blouse at Isetan.... Aiyoh.... so expensive! Then we had lunch at Mac.... got one handsome yandao sitting next to me.... hee hee.... too bad he got girlfriend already..... sianz.... then we went to watch a movie... $9.50 leh.... can die liao! Corpse Bride.... so funny! Haha..... He really looks like Johnny Depp leh... he's so cute.... Hee hee.... '
You get the point.
Any resemblance to any entry in anybody's blog is purely coincidental. So don't bother trying to toss rotten tomatoes in my direction.
I'm not criticising other people for writing in the abovementioned style. If anything, it's short and sweet, straight to the point, and won't exactly bore people to death. My style of writing, which is continuous prose, has the unfortunate tendency to make people feel turned-off by my blog. Here's an example of my writing (taken from the entry, 'Clash'):
' The predominant culture that seems to be pervading the younger Malay community is the culture of laziness, sloth, loudness and lack of social graces. There's nothing wrong in being contented with what you have, but the spirit of 'tidak apa' ("it doesn't matter") has gone too far. When it has turned into a state of 'tidakapathy', then something's wrong. When the Malay community does worse than other races in their studies for no apprent reason, then something's really wrong. I'm not making this up.... I remember reading articles which stated (with full stats) that the Malays are the most underperforming community of all. Heck, I think with a quick Net search I could easily reference those articles. And don't give me excuses that the examiners are biased or racial policies are hampering the academic abilities of Malays or anything... I'm not buying that argument.'
*loud snoring in the background*
Ok... so it's THAT boring, huh?
Anyway, I've received feedback from others that what I write bores them. That seems to be the norm rather than the exception. I even had one piece of feedback that The Web of Fudge is 'too wordy'!
Good grief... the origin of 'blog' comes from the words 'web log', in case you didn't know. I'm sure at least some of you have written log reports before. If I don't fill this blog of mine with words, then what on earth do I fill it with? Graphics? Videos? Well, sure I can, but it would be the ultimate drain on my finances to buy myself a digicam. Not to mention setting up a video blog, or vlog, would necessitate an expensive yearly subscription and a huge drain on bandwidth. Good luck to all those with slow and unreliable Internet connections.
Anyway, I know that what I write isn't really going to grab the attention of an overcharged Duracell bunny on steroids, but my writing style is here to stay. I realise that The Web of Fudge is undergoing a major paradigm shift from being a mere repository of my chaotic thoughts to my two cents' worth in socio-political issues. You can't really read this blog for pure voyeuristic pleasure anymore. While I will still be writing about my thoughts and experiences, I'll also be dealing with current affairs as well. It's hard for me to be writing about such things in the form of disjointed sentences with hardly any flow.
In any case, even when I'm dealing with issues regarding my life, don't expect me to write the way other people write. I just enjoy writing this way.
In the meantime, do a line either in the comments section at the end of any entry or in the TAG board. Do let me know what you think of The Web of Fudge and The Anthology of Seasons, be it positive or negative. After all, without comments, I don't really know what to deliver to the teeming masses.
'I went to Centerpoint today..... Went shopping..... Mary, Jane, and Gwen followed me.... We buy new denim skirt and blouse at Isetan.... Aiyoh.... so expensive! Then we had lunch at Mac.... got one handsome yandao sitting next to me.... hee hee.... too bad he got girlfriend already..... sianz.... then we went to watch a movie... $9.50 leh.... can die liao! Corpse Bride.... so funny! Haha..... He really looks like Johnny Depp leh... he's so cute.... Hee hee.... '
You get the point.
Any resemblance to any entry in anybody's blog is purely coincidental. So don't bother trying to toss rotten tomatoes in my direction.
I'm not criticising other people for writing in the abovementioned style. If anything, it's short and sweet, straight to the point, and won't exactly bore people to death. My style of writing, which is continuous prose, has the unfortunate tendency to make people feel turned-off by my blog. Here's an example of my writing (taken from the entry, 'Clash'):
' The predominant culture that seems to be pervading the younger Malay community is the culture of laziness, sloth, loudness and lack of social graces. There's nothing wrong in being contented with what you have, but the spirit of 'tidak apa' ("it doesn't matter") has gone too far. When it has turned into a state of 'tidakapathy', then something's wrong. When the Malay community does worse than other races in their studies for no apprent reason, then something's really wrong. I'm not making this up.... I remember reading articles which stated (with full stats) that the Malays are the most underperforming community of all. Heck, I think with a quick Net search I could easily reference those articles. And don't give me excuses that the examiners are biased or racial policies are hampering the academic abilities of Malays or anything... I'm not buying that argument.'
*loud snoring in the background*
Ok... so it's THAT boring, huh?
Anyway, I've received feedback from others that what I write bores them. That seems to be the norm rather than the exception. I even had one piece of feedback that The Web of Fudge is 'too wordy'!
Good grief... the origin of 'blog' comes from the words 'web log', in case you didn't know. I'm sure at least some of you have written log reports before. If I don't fill this blog of mine with words, then what on earth do I fill it with? Graphics? Videos? Well, sure I can, but it would be the ultimate drain on my finances to buy myself a digicam. Not to mention setting up a video blog, or vlog, would necessitate an expensive yearly subscription and a huge drain on bandwidth. Good luck to all those with slow and unreliable Internet connections.
Anyway, I know that what I write isn't really going to grab the attention of an overcharged Duracell bunny on steroids, but my writing style is here to stay. I realise that The Web of Fudge is undergoing a major paradigm shift from being a mere repository of my chaotic thoughts to my two cents' worth in socio-political issues. You can't really read this blog for pure voyeuristic pleasure anymore. While I will still be writing about my thoughts and experiences, I'll also be dealing with current affairs as well. It's hard for me to be writing about such things in the form of disjointed sentences with hardly any flow.
In any case, even when I'm dealing with issues regarding my life, don't expect me to write the way other people write. I just enjoy writing this way.
In the meantime, do a line either in the comments section at the end of any entry or in the TAG board. Do let me know what you think of The Web of Fudge and The Anthology of Seasons, be it positive or negative. After all, without comments, I don't really know what to deliver to the teeming masses.
Posted by Spider-Fudge at 01:11 am
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Thursday, October 06, 2005
Blog Issues Part II: Youth of the Nation
Ok... After the farce that was 'Virtual Hilarity' (graphics courtesy of kennysia.com), let's get back to serious discussion.
The second thing has been on the minds of people pertaining to blogs. It's the issue of students who criticise their teachers on their blogs. From what I've been able to gather in the news, several students have been forced to retract some of the supposedly derogatory remarks they have posted on their teachers in their blogs and issue public apologies. If memory serves, one boy from a 'top boys' school' has even been publicly caned for this.
Now, the way I see it, a distinction has to be made with remarks which are purely derogatory and remarks which are critical but justifiable. While the former is highly repugnant and should be avoided, students shouldn't be taken to task for what they write so long as they can justify it with the facts. Let's go into detail with regard to this.
The second thing has been on the minds of people pertaining to blogs. It's the issue of students who criticise their teachers on their blogs. From what I've been able to gather in the news, several students have been forced to retract some of the supposedly derogatory remarks they have posted on their teachers in their blogs and issue public apologies. If memory serves, one boy from a 'top boys' school' has even been publicly caned for this.
Now, the way I see it, a distinction has to be made with remarks which are purely derogatory and remarks which are critical but justifiable. While the former is highly repugnant and should be avoided, students shouldn't be taken to task for what they write so long as they can justify it with the facts. Let's go into detail with regard to this.
Of course, if I were to write 'My So-and-So is a ***** (insert profanity of choice)', then that contitutes libel. No one likes to be slandered, ever more so in the World Wide Web where the whole world could see what is being written. If you don't like someone, go up and tell it to him straight in the face. Of course, that's assuming that you're daring enough to do so, which I believe most students aren't. Regardless of how much you hate your teacher or what you think of him, airing your dirty laundry in public isn't the way to go. I know that not all teachers are angels... I've personally come up against teachers with serious attitude problems whom I avoid like the plague. However, just because you don't like them doesn't entitle you to slandering them in public.
At the same time, though, there have been students who have been taken to task for writing critical but justifiable pieces in their blogs. What do I mean by this? I'm referring to entries which say something like 'I wish Mr So-and-so would not be so critical of students who are slow to catch on'. It is critical of the teaching methods of the teacher, but the blogger may go on to justify his stand strongly. Strictly speaking, it isn't slander when what you say is factual. If the teachers can't handle criticism, then how on earth are they supposed to work on their own shortcomings?
If they're out to see only flowery praises of themselves in the blogs of their students, then I say then shouldn't go out scrutinising the blogs of their students. If the truth hurts, then I say that they're not strong enough to handle the truth. Respect isn't an entitlement that comes with the job description of 'educator'. Rather, it's a privilege which has to be earned. I have an extremely low tolerance for people who think that holding a position of authority is the sole reason for being entitled to respect.
On a side note, this reminds me of my Army days... I once knew this Army instructor who would always scold and threaten to trainees for the slightest infringement. He once declared that 'fear leads to respect.' Hogwash, I say. The ever-prevalance of fear is what that makes world such a crummy place... and this poor-excuse-for-a-soldier simply wants to add to it. Needless to say, I never had any respect for him.
He was a Third Sergeant, by the way. Technically he can't charge trainees; he can only recommend them to be charged by the superior officers. As if anyone can be charged for things like 'not running fast enough' and 'not executing drill commands properly'. In that respect, his threats fall flat, and, at least in retrospect, puerile and laughable.
Back to the topic... sure, no one likes to be criticised in cyberspace either, regardless of whether or not it is factual. If you've got a problem with somebody's attitude, then you should just tell him straight in the face instead of shooting him in the back on cyberspace. I'm sure that many of us students know firsthand what it's like to be stabbed in the back by the people closest to you.. I've been at the receiving end several times. At the same time, though, teachers should think hard and deep about whether their students' criticism is truly justified.
In this respect we've all got to work together. Students shouldn't be writing bad things about their teachers in cyberspace, whether justified or not. 'Mr So-and-So is a ****' is pure libel, and even constructive criticism isn't good when you're shooting it at the receipient's back. At the same time, teachers should not assume a 'holier-than-thou' position where they're always right and their students are always wrong. Neither should they raise a huge ruckus at the slightest hint of dissent. It makes no sense to ask our kids to speak up only to punish them for the slightest criticism.
With any luck, the school can be the place which it should be: an institute to teach our young to be strong, matured, and educated youth of the nation.
At the same time, though, there have been students who have been taken to task for writing critical but justifiable pieces in their blogs. What do I mean by this? I'm referring to entries which say something like 'I wish Mr So-and-so would not be so critical of students who are slow to catch on'. It is critical of the teaching methods of the teacher, but the blogger may go on to justify his stand strongly. Strictly speaking, it isn't slander when what you say is factual. If the teachers can't handle criticism, then how on earth are they supposed to work on their own shortcomings?
If they're out to see only flowery praises of themselves in the blogs of their students, then I say then shouldn't go out scrutinising the blogs of their students. If the truth hurts, then I say that they're not strong enough to handle the truth. Respect isn't an entitlement that comes with the job description of 'educator'. Rather, it's a privilege which has to be earned. I have an extremely low tolerance for people who think that holding a position of authority is the sole reason for being entitled to respect.
On a side note, this reminds me of my Army days... I once knew this Army instructor who would always scold and threaten to trainees for the slightest infringement. He once declared that 'fear leads to respect.' Hogwash, I say. The ever-prevalance of fear is what that makes world such a crummy place... and this poor-excuse-for-a-soldier simply wants to add to it. Needless to say, I never had any respect for him.
He was a Third Sergeant, by the way. Technically he can't charge trainees; he can only recommend them to be charged by the superior officers. As if anyone can be charged for things like 'not running fast enough' and 'not executing drill commands properly'. In that respect, his threats fall flat, and, at least in retrospect, puerile and laughable.
Back to the topic... sure, no one likes to be criticised in cyberspace either, regardless of whether or not it is factual. If you've got a problem with somebody's attitude, then you should just tell him straight in the face instead of shooting him in the back on cyberspace. I'm sure that many of us students know firsthand what it's like to be stabbed in the back by the people closest to you.. I've been at the receiving end several times. At the same time, though, teachers should think hard and deep about whether their students' criticism is truly justified.
In this respect we've all got to work together. Students shouldn't be writing bad things about their teachers in cyberspace, whether justified or not. 'Mr So-and-So is a ****' is pure libel, and even constructive criticism isn't good when you're shooting it at the receipient's back. At the same time, teachers should not assume a 'holier-than-thou' position where they're always right and their students are always wrong. Neither should they raise a huge ruckus at the slightest hint of dissent. It makes no sense to ask our kids to speak up only to punish them for the slightest criticism.
With any luck, the school can be the place which it should be: an institute to teach our young to be strong, matured, and educated youth of the nation.
Posted by Spider-Fudge at 05:59 pm
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Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Virtual Hilarity
I know I ought to be working on Part II of 'Blog Issues', but time hasn't been permitting me to do that. I'm halfway through that article, and it's not exactly easy to be writing a full essay on socio-political issues... when I have a 2000-word essay due in three weeks' time.
Of course, we still haven't talked about the countless labs, tutorials and upcoming tests.
I know my detractors must be throwing rotten tomatoes at me by now. One typical example:
kennysia.com rocks, I tell you.
Of course, we still haven't talked about the countless labs, tutorials and upcoming tests.
I know my detractors must be throwing rotten tomatoes at me by now. One typical example:
kennysia.com rocks, I tell you.
Posted by Spider-Fudge at 03:55 pm
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Saturday, October 01, 2005
Blog Issues Part I: Xenophobes... Active, and Otherwise.
It seems that the biggest issue that's been on the minds of people these days would be the issue of blogs. So far, three people have been arrested for inciting hatred and racism in their blogs, while the issue of students criticising their teachers in their personal blogs has led to a lot of debate into what's right and what's not. Now, I'm not exactly the owner of the greatest blog in the world, and I don't have the notoriety of Xiaxue or the hilarity of Kenny Sia. Still, I feel that I should be tossing in my S$0.02 into these current issues.
Firstly, racism. No one argues that racism is an evil thing, and I've encountered many a racist in the course of my life who has a serious problem with all those who aren't of his kind. Racism isn't unique to any one race... I've come across Malays who hate the Chinese, Chinese who hate the Malays, and so on. We are an ethnically heterogeneous society where though the Chinese may make up the majority, the Malays and the Indians make up a substantial minority. The social fabric which binds us all together is tenuous at best, and we've all seen what can happen when it's torn apart.
I don't have any objections to racists being hauled to court, ever more so when they post their comments of hatred on the World Wide Web for everyone to see. I remember going to the blog of one of those bloggers, a 17-year old private student. The name of the blog was 'The Second Holocaust', and he posted really inflammatory comments about Malays and Muslims which I find way too insulting to post here. I remember he attracted a veritable flood of angry comments, not just by Malays but by people of other races as well. Heck, I seem to remember some of them leaving their personal contacts in order to challenge him to duels.
I actually did consider giving him a piece of my mind in his comments section and leave a link to the Web of Fudge so that he could reply to me, but I decided to let the matter be. People like him have a way of making themselves suffer. I decided to follow my policy of non-confrontation. I let the guy be and waited for him to receive his just deserts. And oh boy, what a comeuppance it turned out to be. If he thinks that it's fun to be attracting all those angry replies just for kicks, then, well, he'll have plenty of time to think about it behind the cold gray walls of stone and iron bars of prison.
More than just punishing the offenders, though, we ought to be preventing this problem from coming up in the first place. No, I'm not saying that we should ban all blogs. Be it far from me to ever suggest such a thing. What I'm saying is that we should be teaching our kids from young just what an evil thing racism is. We can have our kids growing up thinking that they shouldn't be mixing with those who don't look or sound like them. I find it extremely disheartening to know that many people have the mentality that 'as long as you don't act upon your racist thoughts, then it's okay'. I didn't make this up... I got this from a letter to the Straits Times forum page by an undergrad who witnessed this phenomenon among her peers.
The way I see it, it's not okay at all to have those racist thoughts in the first place. Just because you didn't act upon those thoughts doesn't mean that it's correct to have racist thoughts. We may all have different skin colours, different looks, different languages, and so on... but ultimately, we're all humans living under the same sun. That human whom you harbour thoughts of prejudice for is one of your own kind. In other words, like it or not, you are against your own kind.
Even if you don't act upon those thoughts of racism, someone else will, and if he's capable enough, he can make you act upon those thoughts. I know that there are those who'll disagree with me. I can reply to their arguments with just one word, though: Hitler.
Hitler was the worst inhuman beast of our time. He held a profound hatred for the Jews, Gypsies, Slavs, the disabled, and generally anyone whom he considered as 'inferior'. He was one of those who acted upon those thoughts of hatred, and incited others to do the same. How is this possible? Well, he fed on the dormant but ever-present simmering undercurrent of anti-Semitism in particular and suspicion of anyone who was 'different' that was prevalent in the society of the time. Like a leech, he fed on it, cultivated it, and manipulated it to his own bidding.
A scapegoat was needed to pin all of Germany's woes on, and it was the 'inferiors' which proved to be the most convenient scapegoat. No way on earth can one man scar the earth the way it happened, but one beast feeding on the evil thoughts of others can do. We all know what happened next: the greatest cataclysmic war in the history of mankind up to this point which claimed 56 million souls in all. And I don't have to talk what the Holocaust was all about.
In other words, the beast Hitler could do what he did only because of the dormant racist thoughts of others.
Believe me, just because you don't act on whatever racist thoughts you have doesn't make it right. I don't have the right to tell you what to do with your lives or what you should think, but I can tell you that it's dangerous to have those thoughts in the first place.
Ok... that was a long entry there. I thought I was going to touch on the issue of students' blogs next, but I suppose that'll wait till next time. It's 12.15am in the morning, and I'm zonked out from a really long day at school.
Firstly, racism. No one argues that racism is an evil thing, and I've encountered many a racist in the course of my life who has a serious problem with all those who aren't of his kind. Racism isn't unique to any one race... I've come across Malays who hate the Chinese, Chinese who hate the Malays, and so on. We are an ethnically heterogeneous society where though the Chinese may make up the majority, the Malays and the Indians make up a substantial minority. The social fabric which binds us all together is tenuous at best, and we've all seen what can happen when it's torn apart.
I don't have any objections to racists being hauled to court, ever more so when they post their comments of hatred on the World Wide Web for everyone to see. I remember going to the blog of one of those bloggers, a 17-year old private student. The name of the blog was 'The Second Holocaust', and he posted really inflammatory comments about Malays and Muslims which I find way too insulting to post here. I remember he attracted a veritable flood of angry comments, not just by Malays but by people of other races as well. Heck, I seem to remember some of them leaving their personal contacts in order to challenge him to duels.
I actually did consider giving him a piece of my mind in his comments section and leave a link to the Web of Fudge so that he could reply to me, but I decided to let the matter be. People like him have a way of making themselves suffer. I decided to follow my policy of non-confrontation. I let the guy be and waited for him to receive his just deserts. And oh boy, what a comeuppance it turned out to be. If he thinks that it's fun to be attracting all those angry replies just for kicks, then, well, he'll have plenty of time to think about it behind the cold gray walls of stone and iron bars of prison.
More than just punishing the offenders, though, we ought to be preventing this problem from coming up in the first place. No, I'm not saying that we should ban all blogs. Be it far from me to ever suggest such a thing. What I'm saying is that we should be teaching our kids from young just what an evil thing racism is. We can have our kids growing up thinking that they shouldn't be mixing with those who don't look or sound like them. I find it extremely disheartening to know that many people have the mentality that 'as long as you don't act upon your racist thoughts, then it's okay'. I didn't make this up... I got this from a letter to the Straits Times forum page by an undergrad who witnessed this phenomenon among her peers.
The way I see it, it's not okay at all to have those racist thoughts in the first place. Just because you didn't act upon those thoughts doesn't mean that it's correct to have racist thoughts. We may all have different skin colours, different looks, different languages, and so on... but ultimately, we're all humans living under the same sun. That human whom you harbour thoughts of prejudice for is one of your own kind. In other words, like it or not, you are against your own kind.
Even if you don't act upon those thoughts of racism, someone else will, and if he's capable enough, he can make you act upon those thoughts. I know that there are those who'll disagree with me. I can reply to their arguments with just one word, though: Hitler.
Hitler was the worst inhuman beast of our time. He held a profound hatred for the Jews, Gypsies, Slavs, the disabled, and generally anyone whom he considered as 'inferior'. He was one of those who acted upon those thoughts of hatred, and incited others to do the same. How is this possible? Well, he fed on the dormant but ever-present simmering undercurrent of anti-Semitism in particular and suspicion of anyone who was 'different' that was prevalent in the society of the time. Like a leech, he fed on it, cultivated it, and manipulated it to his own bidding.
A scapegoat was needed to pin all of Germany's woes on, and it was the 'inferiors' which proved to be the most convenient scapegoat. No way on earth can one man scar the earth the way it happened, but one beast feeding on the evil thoughts of others can do. We all know what happened next: the greatest cataclysmic war in the history of mankind up to this point which claimed 56 million souls in all. And I don't have to talk what the Holocaust was all about.
In other words, the beast Hitler could do what he did only because of the dormant racist thoughts of others.
Believe me, just because you don't act on whatever racist thoughts you have doesn't make it right. I don't have the right to tell you what to do with your lives or what you should think, but I can tell you that it's dangerous to have those thoughts in the first place.
Ok... that was a long entry there. I thought I was going to touch on the issue of students' blogs next, but I suppose that'll wait till next time. It's 12.15am in the morning, and I'm zonked out from a really long day at school.
*To be continued*
Posted by Spider-Fudge at 01:22 am
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Friday, September 30, 2005
The Man Without Fear
I went for my usual nighttime jog just now. Instead of doing the normal 5km run, though, I just jogged a short distance to the exercise corner just outside VJC. I haven't done any strength training for a really long time, and I wanted to see how bad my physical strength had become.
I could only do 3 chin-ups. The IPPT standard is six to pass.
Oh. THAT bad.
As a result, instead of going for a full run I simply did an upper body workout. Some chin ups, log raises, monkey bars... the works. It's not going to make me shoot up to six chin-ups by tomorrow morning, but hey, we've all got to start somewhere.
I guess the problem is mostly in my head. I've always had a bit of a phobia towards strength training. I guess a lot has to do with the fact that I grew up being constantly told that I'm weak and that it was shameful to be weak. My response to that was to withdraw into my shell. I've already told a pretty long story on that in previous entries, and I don't think I want to bore you guys all over again.
Anyway, I suppose the end result of all those bad memories is that I fear being weak. So much so that I can't even bear to train myself up to be strong, for fear that I would get to see just how weak I really am. Metaphorically, literally, and in every sense of the word.
I'm not making any excuses for myself. In fact, I blame myself for constantly allowing all these bad memories cloud my judgement and blind me from seeing the truth. Well, the truth now is that my physical strength has gone way down, and I need to do something about it if I'm going to have any chance of clearing my IPPT. The good news is that My IPPT window had opened last June, which gives me roughly eight more months to clear it. Of course, I don't want to wait that long, and I hope to clear it over the December holidays.
The most important thing right now is to undergo strength training regularly. I'm not talking about pumping iron... just the ordinary assisted chin-ups, push-ups, and so on. My aerobic and cardiovascular fitness is already pretty reasonable... that can be put aside for now. The biggest impediment to strength training, though, is not about time or money... rather it's about my fear of it.
What was it you used to say, Fudge... that no man is without fear?
I know we all have fears of our own.... the man without fear is the man who is without life. It's only human to feel fear. No one wants to feel fear... but at least by knowing that you can feel, you know that you are still alive.
Bravery is not about charging at the enemy head-on with no bullets in your rifle.... if anything, that's stupidity. It is a common fallacy that bravery is about not having any fear. As I had said earlier, the man without fear is the man who is without life. Bravery comes not from having no fear at all... rather, it comes from facing up to and overcoming your fears.
Then why is this bugging you, Fudge.... are you not brave enough to confront your fears?
I suppose that after all I've been though, after all the bad memories I've had, after all that life has thrown at me, after all the things I did which I never thought I ever had to do or could do.... I still don't have what it takes to confront some of my fears. And as dumb as it may sound, my fear for strength training is one of those fears.
You don't have to be the best, Fudge.... just make sure you do your best.
I know I don't have to be the best... ultimately success in life is not about being the best there is, but putting in the best effort. I'll do whatever I can to pull up my physical strength, and I'll try not to worry too much about it. After all, it's my studies that get the ultimate attention. Besides, from what I've heard, the pursuit of studies is a legitimate excuse for deferring from RT. I hope it doesn't come to that, but that ought to be of some reassurance.
Thanks.... voice. Whoever you are.
Don't worry, guys... I'm not schizophrenic. I haven't lost it yet. I'm still who I am.
I could only do 3 chin-ups. The IPPT standard is six to pass.
Oh. THAT bad.
As a result, instead of going for a full run I simply did an upper body workout. Some chin ups, log raises, monkey bars... the works. It's not going to make me shoot up to six chin-ups by tomorrow morning, but hey, we've all got to start somewhere.
I guess the problem is mostly in my head. I've always had a bit of a phobia towards strength training. I guess a lot has to do with the fact that I grew up being constantly told that I'm weak and that it was shameful to be weak. My response to that was to withdraw into my shell. I've already told a pretty long story on that in previous entries, and I don't think I want to bore you guys all over again.
Anyway, I suppose the end result of all those bad memories is that I fear being weak. So much so that I can't even bear to train myself up to be strong, for fear that I would get to see just how weak I really am. Metaphorically, literally, and in every sense of the word.
I'm not making any excuses for myself. In fact, I blame myself for constantly allowing all these bad memories cloud my judgement and blind me from seeing the truth. Well, the truth now is that my physical strength has gone way down, and I need to do something about it if I'm going to have any chance of clearing my IPPT. The good news is that My IPPT window had opened last June, which gives me roughly eight more months to clear it. Of course, I don't want to wait that long, and I hope to clear it over the December holidays.
The most important thing right now is to undergo strength training regularly. I'm not talking about pumping iron... just the ordinary assisted chin-ups, push-ups, and so on. My aerobic and cardiovascular fitness is already pretty reasonable... that can be put aside for now. The biggest impediment to strength training, though, is not about time or money... rather it's about my fear of it.
What was it you used to say, Fudge... that no man is without fear?
I know we all have fears of our own.... the man without fear is the man who is without life. It's only human to feel fear. No one wants to feel fear... but at least by knowing that you can feel, you know that you are still alive.
And what was it you said about bravery? What constitutes bravery?
Bravery is not about charging at the enemy head-on with no bullets in your rifle.... if anything, that's stupidity. It is a common fallacy that bravery is about not having any fear. As I had said earlier, the man without fear is the man who is without life. Bravery comes not from having no fear at all... rather, it comes from facing up to and overcoming your fears.
Then why is this bugging you, Fudge.... are you not brave enough to confront your fears?
I suppose that after all I've been though, after all the bad memories I've had, after all that life has thrown at me, after all the things I did which I never thought I ever had to do or could do.... I still don't have what it takes to confront some of my fears. And as dumb as it may sound, my fear for strength training is one of those fears.
You don't have to be the best, Fudge.... just make sure you do your best.
I know I don't have to be the best... ultimately success in life is not about being the best there is, but putting in the best effort. I'll do whatever I can to pull up my physical strength, and I'll try not to worry too much about it. After all, it's my studies that get the ultimate attention. Besides, from what I've heard, the pursuit of studies is a legitimate excuse for deferring from RT. I hope it doesn't come to that, but that ought to be of some reassurance.
Thanks.... voice. Whoever you are.
Don't worry, guys... I'm not schizophrenic. I haven't lost it yet. I'm still who I am.
Go, Web!
*shoots webshooter*
Posted by Spider-Fudge at 02:05 am
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Thursday, September 22, 2005
Privacy
Recently, while I was downloading some notes from the NUS IVLE system, I noticed that under the 'My Communities' section, I had apparently been added to some Malay community called 'Semua Tentang Kita' (or 'Everything About Us') or something to that effect. Now this comes as a rude shock, for I surely would have known if I had given permission to be added to some online community which I've never even heard of.
Upon checking the forums of the aforementioned community, it dawned upon me as to what was going on. It turns out that the moderator of the community, who was some Yr 1 girl majoring in sociology, had added pretty much the entire Malay population of NUS to her community without so much as consulting them. She got plenty of flak for this, and that's only from what I could see in the forums. I suppose her NUSmail inbox was flooded with plenty of hate mail as well.
What really irked me, though, was her nonchalant attitude towards the issue of privacy. While she did apologize for adding people without consulting them first, she defended her decision, saying that it caused no harm to anyone and that the system was such that it would be too troublesome for her to invite everyone. She also insisted that all those who didn't like to be in the community could delete themselves if they wanted to, and she shouldn't have to go through the trouble of doing so.
From what I could tell, she was being extremely naive in thinking that 'if it doesn't hurt, then it's okay'. That mentality may work out fine in most cases, but privacy is not one of them. One of the most basic rights that a human being is entitled to have (after the physiological rights to food, clothing and shelter) is the right to choose. We should all have the right to choose what we want to do with our lives, and how to go about doing it.
When you deprive people of the right to choose, you are essentially depriving one of their most basic entitlements. In this case, no one chose to join the online community. Rather, we were forced into it. To say that it would be too troublesome to have to invite everyone in is one of the worst possible excuses I have ever heard. At the very least, it goes to show naivety and sloth on the part of the moderator. At the very worst, it shows her lack of respect for the right of the people to choose.
Besides, just because no one got hurt doesn't make it any more acceptable. What she did was nearly tantamount to spamming. Last I heard, Singapore is going to come up with anti-spamming laws against this kind of behaviour. It chokes up bandwidth, cuts down on productivity, and is a real pain in the neck for others.
Even after apologising, she insisted that all those who didn't want to be in the community should delete themselves from it. She justified her stand by saying that it wasn't too difficult to do so, and that it would be a real pain for her to have to ask around if they wanted to be removed and then do the removal process herself. Now this really, really irked a lot of people, and with good reason. First of all, why should those people take the trouble to remove themselves from a group which they were forced into in the first place? It's pretty much akin to having to ask others to pay for your mistakes. The girl was the one who had made the mistake of adding others without their permission; she should have been the one who takes the trouble to remove those people. Whether or not it was easy to do so is immaterial; rather, it's about the principle of the matter.
Finally, someone had emailed her a letter criticising her actions while remaining objective over the whole issue. Now, that person had emailed her that lettter instead of posting it in the forums for the reason that it was for her eyes only. Yet what she did was to post it on the forums while trumpeting her triumph over the fact that someone was being understanding to her. Now, that is yet another breach of privacy. When someone tells you that the letter is for your eyes only, the only right and decent thing to do is to honour the request and keep it that way. When you post it on the forums for everyone to see, you are pretty much betraying the trust that person has placed in you. Strong words, but true. While verbal agreements technically aren't legally binding, such actions are still morally repugnant.
I typed out a pretty long entry in the forums with most of the points mentioned above. After checking on the community the next day, though, it had disappeared. I had either been removed from the community, or the community itself had been dissolved. It's more likely to be the latter, for I couldn't seem to find it in the list of communities. No major loss, I say.... I'm not going to cry myself to sleep over this. I don't know about you guys, but I don't buy the argument that 'any publicity is good publicity'. That girl had pretty much gone from being another anonymous freshman in the background to one of the most hated and reviled in a matter of days, as could be seen from the amount of flak she got.
In this day and age, privacy is not to be taken lightly. Whether we like to admit to it or not, we all wear masks to protect ourselves from what we want others to see... and it's not a small thing to have those masks ripped off by the actions of others.
Upon checking the forums of the aforementioned community, it dawned upon me as to what was going on. It turns out that the moderator of the community, who was some Yr 1 girl majoring in sociology, had added pretty much the entire Malay population of NUS to her community without so much as consulting them. She got plenty of flak for this, and that's only from what I could see in the forums. I suppose her NUSmail inbox was flooded with plenty of hate mail as well.
What really irked me, though, was her nonchalant attitude towards the issue of privacy. While she did apologize for adding people without consulting them first, she defended her decision, saying that it caused no harm to anyone and that the system was such that it would be too troublesome for her to invite everyone. She also insisted that all those who didn't like to be in the community could delete themselves if they wanted to, and she shouldn't have to go through the trouble of doing so.
From what I could tell, she was being extremely naive in thinking that 'if it doesn't hurt, then it's okay'. That mentality may work out fine in most cases, but privacy is not one of them. One of the most basic rights that a human being is entitled to have (after the physiological rights to food, clothing and shelter) is the right to choose. We should all have the right to choose what we want to do with our lives, and how to go about doing it.
When you deprive people of the right to choose, you are essentially depriving one of their most basic entitlements. In this case, no one chose to join the online community. Rather, we were forced into it. To say that it would be too troublesome to have to invite everyone in is one of the worst possible excuses I have ever heard. At the very least, it goes to show naivety and sloth on the part of the moderator. At the very worst, it shows her lack of respect for the right of the people to choose.
Besides, just because no one got hurt doesn't make it any more acceptable. What she did was nearly tantamount to spamming. Last I heard, Singapore is going to come up with anti-spamming laws against this kind of behaviour. It chokes up bandwidth, cuts down on productivity, and is a real pain in the neck for others.
Even after apologising, she insisted that all those who didn't want to be in the community should delete themselves from it. She justified her stand by saying that it wasn't too difficult to do so, and that it would be a real pain for her to have to ask around if they wanted to be removed and then do the removal process herself. Now this really, really irked a lot of people, and with good reason. First of all, why should those people take the trouble to remove themselves from a group which they were forced into in the first place? It's pretty much akin to having to ask others to pay for your mistakes. The girl was the one who had made the mistake of adding others without their permission; she should have been the one who takes the trouble to remove those people. Whether or not it was easy to do so is immaterial; rather, it's about the principle of the matter.
Finally, someone had emailed her a letter criticising her actions while remaining objective over the whole issue. Now, that person had emailed her that lettter instead of posting it in the forums for the reason that it was for her eyes only. Yet what she did was to post it on the forums while trumpeting her triumph over the fact that someone was being understanding to her. Now, that is yet another breach of privacy. When someone tells you that the letter is for your eyes only, the only right and decent thing to do is to honour the request and keep it that way. When you post it on the forums for everyone to see, you are pretty much betraying the trust that person has placed in you. Strong words, but true. While verbal agreements technically aren't legally binding, such actions are still morally repugnant.
I typed out a pretty long entry in the forums with most of the points mentioned above. After checking on the community the next day, though, it had disappeared. I had either been removed from the community, or the community itself had been dissolved. It's more likely to be the latter, for I couldn't seem to find it in the list of communities. No major loss, I say.... I'm not going to cry myself to sleep over this. I don't know about you guys, but I don't buy the argument that 'any publicity is good publicity'. That girl had pretty much gone from being another anonymous freshman in the background to one of the most hated and reviled in a matter of days, as could be seen from the amount of flak she got.
In this day and age, privacy is not to be taken lightly. Whether we like to admit to it or not, we all wear masks to protect ourselves from what we want others to see... and it's not a small thing to have those masks ripped off by the actions of others.
Posted by Spider-Fudge at 02:18 am
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Sunday, September 18, 2005
And If Our Way Should Falter...
I suppose I ought to have written this sooner, but truth be told, I've been busy. Yes, I know that's a pretty dumb excuse considering the gravity of this entry, but it's not as if I have much of a choice.
About a year ago to this day I lost a good friend of mine. Second Sergeant Benson Ong was a section commander at the Infantry company I was assigned to as a company medic, back in a time when the Web of Fudge was in its infancy and I was still known as Third Sergeant Muhammad Fadzli. He was a good man who was unanimously respected and praised for his excellent abilities at being a good commander to his men, and a good soldier to his country. I was one of those many people who respected him, and I seem to remember conducting medical tests on him in anticipation of joining the SOF.
After I left the Army I didn't hear from him anymore. I assumed that he was probably chewing up the SOF training or something or was posted to the tough Recce troopers in my unit. Imagine the shock and dismay when I received an SMS from my former armskoteman Roger, urging me to attend his funeral.
At first I thought he had succumbed to some medical problem or something... I remember that his electrocadiogram readings showed some anomolous readings. I then got the second shock of the day when Roger told me that Benson had taken his own life.
I couldn't accept it at first. Here was the man whom I respected and looked up to. Here was the man who would encourage me to put in my best effort and would never put me down even before I finally got my stripes. Here was the man who got thunderous applause upon receiving the Best Commander award when the other commanders got jeered. Of all the people I've ever known and met in my entire life... why him?
I didn't take it well at all. I've tried to be there whenever I can for the people who need me, for that's my job as a medic. At the sound of 'MEDIC!!!!!!!!!!!' I'd drop everything and rush to the scene as fast and as soon as I could. But here.... I couldn't be there for my good friend when he needed help.
I wasn't there for him.
My health, both physical and mental, took a downward spiral after that. I couldn't eat properly, would often vomit for no reason, suffered from insomnia, migraines, chest pains, involuntary muscle twitches... you name it. Even when I did fall asleep after a couple of hours of tossing and turning, I seldom had peace. I would have terrible nightmares and wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweat and a racing heart.
In the end I was forced to eat humble pie and seek help. I e-mailed the Personal Guidance and Counselling Centre at the Yusof Ishak House for an appointment. It took a long time for me to pick up the courage to do so. I guess part of it stems from all the Psychiatric Medicine Inpatient Centre suties I did as a medic. After coming in contact with all those patients who needed help, I saw myself as not being one of them. And now, here I was.... one of those who needs help. I guess personal pride can be a pretty big stumbling block.
The counsellor didn't offer me a magic pill to solve all of my woes, but it sure felt a whole lot better just letting it all out. The simple knowledge of having someone who's willing to listen to you sure beats all the Valium pills in the entire world. I didn't recover overnight, but I did show a marked improvement in terms of health. I managed to recover in time to knuckle down on my studies.... and I kept telling myself that this was what Benson would have wanted me to do.
Anyway, my message to everyone is, if you've got a problem, if you've got something that's bugging you... don't be too afraid to voice it out. Asking for help is not something to be ashamed of... rather, not asking for help when you really need it is the real dishonour. When you're faced with a problem you can't solve on your own, you've got a choice to either ask for help or suffer relentlessly under it. Benson made his choice... and though that was not a choice I do not agree upon, it's something which I'm going to have to accept. It only hurts when I stop moving and look back over my shoulder... so I'm going to have to move on. It is what he would have wanted.
Looking back, I know that I failed to save you.
I can only pray that someday.... I will be able to save myself.
And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along this stony pass
About a year ago to this day I lost a good friend of mine. Second Sergeant Benson Ong was a section commander at the Infantry company I was assigned to as a company medic, back in a time when the Web of Fudge was in its infancy and I was still known as Third Sergeant Muhammad Fadzli. He was a good man who was unanimously respected and praised for his excellent abilities at being a good commander to his men, and a good soldier to his country. I was one of those many people who respected him, and I seem to remember conducting medical tests on him in anticipation of joining the SOF.
After I left the Army I didn't hear from him anymore. I assumed that he was probably chewing up the SOF training or something or was posted to the tough Recce troopers in my unit. Imagine the shock and dismay when I received an SMS from my former armskoteman Roger, urging me to attend his funeral.
At first I thought he had succumbed to some medical problem or something... I remember that his electrocadiogram readings showed some anomolous readings. I then got the second shock of the day when Roger told me that Benson had taken his own life.
I couldn't accept it at first. Here was the man whom I respected and looked up to. Here was the man who would encourage me to put in my best effort and would never put me down even before I finally got my stripes. Here was the man who got thunderous applause upon receiving the Best Commander award when the other commanders got jeered. Of all the people I've ever known and met in my entire life... why him?
I didn't take it well at all. I've tried to be there whenever I can for the people who need me, for that's my job as a medic. At the sound of 'MEDIC!!!!!!!!!!!' I'd drop everything and rush to the scene as fast and as soon as I could. But here.... I couldn't be there for my good friend when he needed help.
I wasn't there for him.
My health, both physical and mental, took a downward spiral after that. I couldn't eat properly, would often vomit for no reason, suffered from insomnia, migraines, chest pains, involuntary muscle twitches... you name it. Even when I did fall asleep after a couple of hours of tossing and turning, I seldom had peace. I would have terrible nightmares and wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweat and a racing heart.
In the end I was forced to eat humble pie and seek help. I e-mailed the Personal Guidance and Counselling Centre at the Yusof Ishak House for an appointment. It took a long time for me to pick up the courage to do so. I guess part of it stems from all the Psychiatric Medicine Inpatient Centre suties I did as a medic. After coming in contact with all those patients who needed help, I saw myself as not being one of them. And now, here I was.... one of those who needs help. I guess personal pride can be a pretty big stumbling block.
The counsellor didn't offer me a magic pill to solve all of my woes, but it sure felt a whole lot better just letting it all out. The simple knowledge of having someone who's willing to listen to you sure beats all the Valium pills in the entire world. I didn't recover overnight, but I did show a marked improvement in terms of health. I managed to recover in time to knuckle down on my studies.... and I kept telling myself that this was what Benson would have wanted me to do.
Anyway, my message to everyone is, if you've got a problem, if you've got something that's bugging you... don't be too afraid to voice it out. Asking for help is not something to be ashamed of... rather, not asking for help when you really need it is the real dishonour. When you're faced with a problem you can't solve on your own, you've got a choice to either ask for help or suffer relentlessly under it. Benson made his choice... and though that was not a choice I do not agree upon, it's something which I'm going to have to accept. It only hurts when I stop moving and look back over my shoulder... so I'm going to have to move on. It is what he would have wanted.
Looking back, I know that I failed to save you.
I can only pray that someday.... I will be able to save myself.
And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along this stony pass
It's just a moment... this time will pass...
- U2, 'Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of'
Posted by Spider-Fudge at 01:37 am
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